TV is a luxury I have lived without before and while I don’t find myself completely addicted to it, I do enjoy that it’s readily available in our small studio apartment. We thought getting an apartment in NYC was hard, but it took us many painful weeks and vacation hours to arrange package deliveries and cable installation to set up our home entertainment system. But now we  appreciate it so much that sometimes it’s difficult to leave.

Living with a boy obviously has its technological perks. While barely able to furnish our place, we somehow have an entertainment center fit for someone with a couch. Okay, we have a futon but it’s just not the same. You can’t become a futon potato. I tried the summer after college.

I do admittedly only watch the Food Network and E!, but I do reap the benefits of the DVR, blue ray, surround sound, and beyond – but I do not have a license to operate any of these.  Each of these perks adds another remote to the coffee table clutter, increasing both the mess and mind puzzle for someone like myself.

Mike tickled his technology fancy by purchasing a Logitech Harmony Universal Remote. This is a color, touch screen remote which claims to be “the only remote you may ever need”. The remote is so friendly there’s even an image of my face on my favorite channels – it’s a picture book for the technology illiterate. I was given the hands-on tutorial and was ready to be in control.

After a long day at work all I wanted to do was hop in bed and watch some bad TV before Mike got home and put on Dual Survivor. I grabbed the remote and… nothing.  I went through the help menu enough times that the only thing I really needed help with was keeping my cool. Despite the simplicity of this remote, if even one variable enters the picture – no picture. This remote was not creating harmony in my universe.

I should have just given up and waited for Mike to save me but instead I continued on. I moved on to the five other remotes that were supposedly now “obsolete”.  I tried every combination of the remotes, I removed batteries and then I dug even deeper into the problem. I may or may not have moved some cords around… I’m pleading the Fifth.  After nearly two hours, I found myself sweaty, sprawled out on the floor surrounded by remotes and user manuals, with a glowing blue screen mocking me and my inadequacy.

Upon Mike’s arrival to my destruction, he kept his cool, undid all the damage I had done and “Ta Da!” the TV was on, just like that.

Do you know new TV’s don’t even have buttons on them anymore? It used to be that if you lost the remote you would simply have to test your laziness or tolerance to whatever was already on the TV. Today losing the remote results in all systems down, but I am out of control even in the possession of one. My dad always called it a button box when we were growing up, I could use the button box.