In between hysterical calls and last minute transfers into my bank account, I have often wondered how you have done it. The idea of being a mom to me is one that is completely terrifying and at times repulsive as I envision diapers, screaming, and late nights (and the end of my own late nights). And now at the age of 28, as I still find myself calling you for everything from how long to boil an egg to what benefit plan to enroll in, I’ve realized that maybe those early days were the easy days. My sister and I have been a constant 24/7 duty for several decades. But through all the bad haircuts, bad boyfriends, and bad days, you have always been there to cheer me up and cheer me on, and I just wanted to thank you…

• Thank you for carrying me for 9 months physically and for 28 years emotionally and financially.
• Thank you for the emergency credit card, and thank you for realizing that sometimes buying a new outfit really is an emergency.
• Thank you for teaching me to keep all the bad thoughts I have about others to myself and to you.
• Thank you for secretly disposing of an expensive, non-refundable, hideous gold prom dress that was bought in desperation at David’s Bridal, and for pretending it never happened and buying me a new dress.
• Thank you for picking up text messaging so I can contact you at all times.
• Thank you for teaching me right from wrong, like that it is right to go to the salon to get highlights and so very wrong to use Sun-In.
• Thank you for letting me convince you to go to that sketchy slimming body wrap place.
• Thank you for taking me and Briana to get our belly buttons pierced when we were under 18, and thank you for encouraging me to take it out.
• Thank you for filing my income taxes for me, I promise to stay in one state this year.
• Thank you for getting Dad to eventually always say yes.
• Thank you for always giving me whatever new clothes you were wearing right off your back when I compliment them.
• Thank you for taking me to the ER to get my head stapled back together at 3AM.
• Thank you for teaching me socials skills and that a little orange juice and spirits can help me overcome my social awkwardness.
• Thank you for teaching me trust when you continually promised that I wouldn’t get E-coli while I watched you prepare meat and you always said, “I haven’t poisoned you yet, have I?”  
• Thank you for not poisoning me.
• Thank you for continually assuring me that I didn’t just poison myself.
• Thank you for planning family vacations and when Krista and I spent the entire time crying and bitching thank you for not leaving us there.
• Thank you for putting organic cheetos in my lunch. 
• Thank you for making me lunches all my friends were jealous of, even if I didn’t appreciate the hand carved turkey sandwiches at the time.
• Thank you for driving me to school when I missed the bus because I was having a “I have nothing to wear” fit.
• Thank you for signing on to be an on-call chauffeur and DD.
• Thank you for never being in a bad mood, never taking a sick day, and for never not being there for me. (And I’m sorry that when you don’t pick up your phone I go into panic mode and call incessantly although it’s almost never an emergency.)
• Thank you for the 500 replacement cell phones so that I can always call you.
• Thank you for always thinking about me to the detriment of your own mental health.
• Thank you for always reading my blog and then texting me how much you liked it and if there were any typos.

Most importantly, thank you for teaching me how to be an amazing mother and I hope some day to be just like you.

xoxo,

your high maintenance daughter