Right in the middle of Red Carpet season and E!’s newly established “White Hot Winter” season, is the dreaded flu season. In addition to the already unwelcome emergence of resolutions after the holidays, this period is full of shallow fashion gossip, the Kardashians, and germs — oh, and the flu.
When I came down with the sickness of the season, I could have partaked on the rollercoaster that is the DayQuil/NyQuil saga, but instead, I risked the nervous and gasterological side effects of watching nonstop celebrity news. For some reason, I find critiquing celebrities to be some of the best medicine. This year the flu has been said to be spreading in epidemic proportions and I also think that E! stands for epidemic.
My flu fell on the Golden Globes this year, as well as the pre Golden Globes and the post Golden Globes. While award shows are usually the length of a long dinner, the broadcasting is more like a fortnight. I watched the entire thing: from the red carpet to the fashion police (and I think that Joan River’s may be the TamiFlu of E!).
The pointless celebrity conversations are in speed with my mental functionality, from nipple tape to the inevitable woman saying that she, “brought her globes out tonight.” This pointless babble just makes me feel better and I also learn a lot, including that this season it’s all about the T-strap shoe, hair should always be pulled back to show off beadwork, and that the only real goal is perfection. So that’s good, I can use those tips for my next gown-worthy occasion.
I really do find something oddly comforting about watching a bunch of size zero new moms in gowns, while I’m in the same sweatpants that I spilled both cough syrup and chicken soup on two days ago. Maybe it’s because my brain is foggy or because I want to see people who have showered recently, but for me, the flu and celebrity gossip just go together like Guiliana and Bill.
I’m just sick in bed with a tissue shoved up my nose watching countless replays of Jennifer Lawrence, allegedly also struck with the flu, winning a golden globe in couture — stars, they’re just like us!