I feel as though I am constantly updating and tweaking my resume in order to paint the best picture of myself professionally.  Writing down my experiences on one piece of paper is somewhat discouraging. Is this really an account of everything I’ve accomplished and all of the obstacles I’ve overcome during the last 27 years? Hardly. I decided to make a more colorful life experience resume.

KJ

EXPERIENCE:
Boulder, Colorado Oct 1984 – Jun 2007
Child, Teenager, College Student

• Functioned well at an altitude of 5,430 feet and mastered breathing almost five times less than a person from a lower altitude and developed abundant red blood cells
• Became  skilled at skiing, driving in snow and parallel parking
• Acquired directional awareness by using  either “toward the mountains” or “away from the mountains”
• Expanded the wearing of flip flops to year round
• Skilled in recycling with knowledge in commingled, compost, and paper recyclables
• Proud Buff while CU was rated “Number 1 Party School”, as well as an avid supporter of the “Win or Lose, We Still Booze” CU chapter and the “Ram This” campaign

Denver, Colorado Jun 2007 – Sept 2008 / Sept 2010 – Mar 2011
Post College Student / Wanderer

• Found employment with a bachelor degree in Fine Arts
• Resided in four different apartment complexes, all within a mile of each other
• Operated my SUV safely and efficiently from downtown to the mountains while always displaying proper snow tires
• Displayed capabilities of locating drink specials and drinking all night and staying under budget
• Located the best green chili and implemented this knowledge frequently
• Advanced from  drinking establishments in Lodo to those in Uptown and  Highlands, while still maintaining connections with Tavern’s rooftop and other key distributors

Chicago, Illinois Sept 2008 – Sept 2010
Young Adult, Part Time

• Endured life in Wrigleyville and became a ruthless street parker
• Survived the coldest winter in 30 years and battled habitually frozen pipes
• Gained wind management skills including the El platform stance, utilization of a sleeping bag coat, and knowledge of streets to avoid that possess the wind tunnel effect
• Showed ambition on sunny days that required early and excessive drinking
• Maintained positive Cubs outlook with devout celebrations during both wins and losses
• Perfected my signature dance move at Spy Bar

New York, New York Mar 2011 – PRESENT
Professional, Struggling “blogger”

• Daily subway commutes to work with over 500 successful trips
• Effective use of iPhone applications in becoming un-lost in the city
• Manages finances in a high-cost environment with a low budget by looking for value (street trash shopping) and by planning ahead (not planning vacations)
• Utilizes minimal space with effective organizational skills
• Developing a tough exterior and effective all-kind-of-people skills
• Shows improvement

SKILLS:

• Proficient in mimosas