I took a bit of an inadvertent hiatus from blogging. I’m blaming it on the pleasant weather and the kind people in Park City because I have had no material for the bottomless whine I can usually pour out. It has been so terrible. I have been searching for thoughts worth thinking…and sharing. Alas, I’ve finally found it. Yesterday I had an “aha moment,” but it was more like an ah-sh*t moment.
I was having an intellectual conversation at work and I brought up Singled Out and I completely lost my younger coworkers. “You know MTV’s Singled Out? Chris Hardwick? Jenny McCarthy? The dating show?” Nothing. I was singled out. I had just reached the equivalent of a parental M*A*S*H* moment. I had officially dated myself. Singled Out was almost 18 years ago and I realized that I am almost 30…ah-sh*t.
Fittingly, today is the first day of the last days of my twenties. While I do feel like I’ve accomplished some things in my twenties like getting some degrees, living in some different cities, finding a guy who tolerates me, and rediscovering blonde hair, I still feel like there are a lot of things I need to achieve before I’m 30. Here are twenty something things that I hope to conquer while I’m still twenty something:
- Learn about PPO’s, interest rates, 401k’s, my credit score, the structure of the United States government, and a cheap, yet not too cheap, red wine acceptable to bring to a dinner party
- Order a glass of chianti without embarrassing myself
- Figure out what all my friends do for a living
- Decide on either passive or aggressive, but not both
- Get rid of my obsession of getting poisoned by household items
- Conquer my fears of umbrellas, public speaking , small talk, participating in team sports, and grocery stores
- Learn how to fold a fitted sheet, then brag about it
- Mourn the end of my SkyMall career
- Find a new icebreaker other than, “I’m in SkyMall”
- Hold a baby for over a minute
- Keep a plant alive for more than a year, maybe a month
- Stop getting ready for work in less time than is required to properly get ready for work
- Accept that I no longer look like my drivers license photo and suck it up and get a new one
- Occasionally put the cork back in wine
- Blow dry my hair (also, occasionally)
- Go to a tailor
- Buy pants nice enough to be tailored
- Stop saying sorry before asking for something at a restaurant
- Learn how to say my name like I actually know it
- Learn how to pronounce entrepreneur, humiliated, apocalypse, hierarchical
- Stop taking shots with more than one liquor
- Stop taking shots
- Take showers on Sundays
- Figure out my favorite color
- Start wearing colors other than black
- Don’t go out in public in my gray mom sweat outfit…or find more flattering sweats
- Stop using my savings account like a dual checking account
- Find out a way to permanently block myself from WebMD
- Admit that gluten isn’t the source of all my problems