As I, gulp, near my 30s, I have noticed that Facebook is taking an ugly turn into adulthood. Gone are the days of using Facebook to be informed of a frat party or posting Spring Break photos, Facebook has become a forum for over sharing first dances, first steps, and first accidental pregnancies. And  I am just a cynical onlooker who is not maturing as fast as the book.

Everyday my feed is overflowing with weddings and babies. It cannot be stopped. This is a constant reminder of my lingering state of post-collegeness that I am simultaneously trying to hang on to and escape, and every time Facebook asks me, “what’s on your mind” all I can think is that everyone needs to cool it with the matrimony and the reproduction for a minute.

Every morning I log on and am greeted with postings of sonograms and baby bumps, and it is starting to give me morning sickness. Yes, pregnancy is a beautiful part of life, but I’m not sure I want to share a picture of my uterus on the internet. I’m surprised that I have yet to read a, “My water just broke!” status. Also, sharing photos of a completed nursery makes me feel uneasy. Like, I know where your baby sleeps. And it seems cruel to not only take  but post photos of an infant with inanimate objects. Babies are cute without putting them in a flower pot or a breadbox.  But that’s just my opinion. Really I am just terrified that 18 years of birthdays, holidays and parenting statuses are to follow.

I am, however, guilty of spending hours  becoming consumed with photos from albums such as, “Our Big Day” or “Marrying The Love of My Life.” Facebook has filled the void that TLC Say Yes to the Dress once satisfied. I even find myself stumbling into weddings of people I don’t even know. Is my need to look through hundreds of wedding photos rooted with jealousy? Am I taking mental notes? Or do I get satisfaction in playing wedding critic? I believe that the last one to get married is sure to have the best wedding, and my secret Pinterest “Do I?” pinboard already kicks all these wedding’s asses.

While I am happy for all my Facebook “friends” and their monumental life moments, I just hope that when these people sign divorce papers or when their children get into those hideous middle school years that they’ll keep on posting.