{"id":976,"date":"2011-08-18T18:09:17","date_gmt":"2011-08-18T18:09:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bottomless.flywheelsites.com\/?p=976"},"modified":"2014-10-15T20:28:20","modified_gmt":"2014-10-15T20:28:20","slug":"attack-of-the-umbrellas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/?p=976","title":{"rendered":"ATTACK OF THE UMBRELLAS"},"content":{"rendered":"

I usually embraced a rare\u00a0rainy day in Colorado, but\u00a0 in NYC it’s just another day, another\u00a0bother.\u00a0East coasters need\u00a0umbrellas as much as they need an attitude and they\u00a0use them as a\u00a0vehicle to really showcase their discourtesy.<\/p>\n

New Yorkers with umbrellas are like porcupines: rodents with a coat of sharp quills. As soon as the first drop hits the sidewalk, umbrellas pop open like tulips on a spring morning. An angry\u00a0sea of different height umbrellas emerges with waves of wire prongs\u00a0aiming to poke your eyes out. There is a general lack of umbrella etiquette in this city. Short people should go low and tall people should go high,\u00a0but no one cares as they charge full speed ahead with their heads down and their umbrellas drawn.<\/p>\n

There are three types of city umbrella users: the oblivious, the ruthless and the out of control. There are also three umbrella\u00a0styles they can\u00a0choose from. First, there is the\u00a0hot dog cart umbrella<\/a>. This\u00a0model is large enough to keep you, your expensive suit and your ego dry. It will give your bicep a workout and\u00a0even take out a few unimportant bystanders. Then, there is the assault umbrella<\/a>. This umbrella had seen its last rain about\u00a0five showers ago, as the fabric clings onto the strewed and portruding antennas. There’s no predicting this one and any sudden movement from the operator could\u00a0leave you a victim to a\u00a0haphazard wire. Lastly, there is the snow globe umbrella<\/a>.\u00a0This is\u00a0the least invasive\u00a0of the ellas, but I wouldn\u2019t be caught dead in one.<\/p>\n

I \u00a0prefer the inefficient, yet respectable, “hood and run”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Blame it on the rain…and bad manners.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5377,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[392,389,73,20,385,88],"class_list":["post-976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nyc","tag-colorado","tag-denver","tag-east-coasters","tag-hotdogs","tag-nyc","tag-umbrella"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=976"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bottomlessmimosa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}